Chapter 4
Three days went by without a word from Yzail. He was out of touch, completely silent. Then, unexpectedly, a notification popped up on my phone. Yzail, the man who never posted on social media and scoffed at superstitions, had shared a picture of the goddess of mercy, captioning it: Praying for peace and safety!
Almost immediately, his friends flooded my inbox, asking if I was okay. It was clear he was trying hard to hide the fact that he was switching brides. I replied to everyone, thanking them for their concern, and even liked and commented on his post, saying that sincerity will bring results.
It seemed, just as I had expected, he had gone to a church to pray. Like any devoted couple, he and Zolenn must have knelt together, making their vows. After making a donation, they took a red ribbon and a love lock.
Yzail held Zolenn close as they wrote their wishes side by side. He tied the red ribbon high on an old tree, and
then they went to hang the love lock.
When he turned around for a brief moment, I caught a glimpse of his bloodshot eyes, red from worry. It was a look I knew too well. Once, when I was in the hospital, he had stayed by my side, afraid that if he looked away for even a second, something bad might happen to me. Now, that same fear gripped him, but it was for Zolenn and the
child she carried.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want children–he just didn’t want my child. That’s why he abandoned me so easily.
When I got home, I gave away all the wedding decorations I had carefully chosen to an elderly woman who collected recyclables. In this home, which had never truly been mine, not a single trace of me remained. All that was left were 500 gigabytes of memories stored on my phone–photos and videos of the few happy moments we had shared. I deleted them all, one by one. As the storage on my phone cleared, so did the weight in my heart.
Once I was done, I made myself some chicken soup. Just as I was about to take a sip, Yzail walked through the
door. He cooled the rest of the soup and poured it into a thermos.
“Did you make this for Zolenn? It’ll be great for her recovery,” he said casually.
I didn’t bother to correct him–that by “recovery,” he really meant “nourishing the pregnancy.” Instead, I grabbed
the thermos and downed the soup in one go. “If you want some, make it yourself!” I snapped.
His smile froze in place. “Lanaya! You know Zolenn was almost hospitalized because of you. And now you’re so petty, you won’t even give her a bowl of soup?”
“Exactly,” I said without hesitation.
Fuming, Yzail threw the empty thermos into the sink and angrily rolled up his sleeves to make a fresh batch of soup for his precious Zolenn. While it simmered, he busied himself tidying up the house, but it didn’t take long for
him to notice something wasn’t right.
“Lanaya, didn’t you buy a lot of wedding stuff? Why isn’t any of it out?” He glanced around, confused. When he reached for his usual glass of water, he realized even my favorite set of matching cups had disappeared.
When I didn’t answer, he frowned and came into the bedroom. “Lanaya, are you having a rough time with your
period? You look really pale.”
Finally, the ever–observant Yzail noticed something was off. “You didn’t… you weren’t pregnant, were you?” His voice was filled with sudden panic, his eyes searching mine for confirmation. I didn’t want to make things more complicated than they already were, so I lied and denied it. The child was gone now, and I didn’t need him mourning or offering fleeting compassion. He didn’t deserve to end things on his terms. He had lost that right.
Relieved by my denial, Yzail’s face softened. “Weren’t you short a bridesmaid? I’ve decided Zolenn can be your
bridesmaid.”
“Alright,” I responded calmly.
He looked bewildered, unable to comprehend why I’d snap over a bowl of soup but agree so easily to let Zolenn be part of my wedding. But in reality, I was just playing along, biding my time while I planned my escape.
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Bridesmaid in My Own Love Story
Satisfied, Yzail gently patted my head. “I’m glad you’ve come around. All my efforts to patch things up between you two haven’t been for nothing.”
He continued with a soft smile, “Once the wedding is over, I’ll take you to see a good doctor. He’s amazing at treating menstrual pain.”
He looked at me with hope. “After that, we’ll get you healthy again, and then we can have our own child.”
I quietly watched him lie, not saying a word. He leaned in and pressed a warm, wet kiss on my cheek.
“If you’re not feeling well, just stay home and rest. I’ll take Zolenn to pick a bridesmaid dress, then come back to keep you company.”
“Okay.”
He left with a thermos of chicken soup, looking all concerned and thoughtful.
Once alone, I stared at myself in the mirror. The spot where he kissed me felt tainted, so I scrubbed at it until it turned red. Only then did I feel slightly less disgusted.
A short while later, the bridal shop owner called me in secret.
“Lanaya, does your husband have a twin brother? Someone who looks exactly like him came in today with a woman to try on your wedding dress. After trying it, he even told me to alter it smaller to fit her. Isn’t that crazy?”
“No, it’s fine. Just do what he said, and have him pay the balance while you’re at it.”
Zolenn’s intentions were clearer than ever. She had always tried to take what belonged to me. If she couldn’t take it, she would try to ruin it. This was no different.
The next day, Yzail returned home with two wedding dresses.
“I picked up the dresses. Why don’t you try them on?”
I gave them a quick, dismissive glance before tossing them aside. I didn’t need to look closely to know what was going on.
Yzail, however, gently stroked the dress that had been altered smaller, his eyes filled with a softness I hadn’t seen in a long time. He was lost in thought, likely picturing Zolenn wearing it, walking down the aisle to marry him.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” he said suddenly, “it’s becoming popular for bridesmaids to wear wedding dresses too. It’s supposed to bring good luck.”
“Sure. Thanks for the effort,” I replied, forcing a polite smile.
Though I prefer to keep to myself, I’m no fool. My custom wedding dress had been resized to fit Zolenn. The other dress, the one in my size, was a cheap, knock–off version. In Yzail’s eyes, I was apparently only worthy of wearing something cheap, just to make his beloved Zolenn stand out even more.
When the day of our scheduled wedding registration came, Yzail didn’t mention it at all. He even took the household registration booklet, tucked it into his pocket, and headed out, though not before stopping by the bakery downstairs to bring me some soup dumplings.
“Lanaya, I bought you breakfast. Make sure to eat well and rest up these next few days. In two days, I’ll come and marry you!”
I accepted the breakfast, thanked him, and said “okay.”
Hearing me thank him, Yzail stopped in his tracks.
“Why are you being so polite to me lately?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Are you nervous because the wedding’s so close? Pre–wedding jitters?”
I smiled, playing along. “Maybe.”
He stared at me for what felt like an eternity, then pulled out a chair and sat beside me. He held my left hand, as if there were a thousand things he wanted to say but didn’t know how to start.
“Lanaya, I need to talk to you about something…”
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Bridesmaid in My Own Love Story
Lalaya, niccu lu lain lu yuu avuuɩ suitcumy…
The hesitation and unease in his eyes made me want to pull my hand away. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want him to say he wanted to break up. I didn’t want him to use the debt of saving his life as an excuse to turn me from his
bride into his bridesmaid.
“Let go. You’re hurting me,” I said, pulling my hand free.
He glanced down and saw my bare hand–no engagement ring, just an ugly scar. Still, he refused to let go. “Lanaya, what if I told you…”
His expression was as if he were about to take a leap of faith, and my heart raced with fear.
Just then, his phone rang.
It was his alarm, reminding him it was time to go to the Civil Affairs Bureau.
Hurriedly, he silenced the phone, flustered and stumbling over his words.
“Lanaya, the engagement ring you liked was bought by someone else. I’ve ordered a custom one, but it won’t be ready for a while.”
“You’re not mad at me for messing things up, are you?”
I shook my head.
“It’s fine.”
His phone rang again, and with one glance at it, he got up to leave.
“There are still a few wedding details I need to sort out. I might not have time to be with you these next few days,” he said in passing.
“Once we’re married, we’ll take the most beautiful photo for our marriage certificate,” he added, lying more naturally with each word.
Without waiting for a reply, he rushed out.
The day before the wedding, he came home again, this time with the household registration booklet and a card. When he handed me the card, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Is this my dowry?”
He froze for a moment, then broke into a wide smile, showing all his teeth.
“This is my sincerity, to thank you for showing up tomorrow.”
He didn’t say what role I would be playing, and I didn’t ask. We both knew. He thought that with a breakup fee, I’d obediently step aside and let Zolenn take my place at the altar.
The next day, I cut that card and the wedding dress into pieces. Then, I packed my things and headed straight for the airport.
As the flight attendant announced it was time to turn off our phones, I sent him the message I’d written long ago. “Consider your life debt repaid.”
A second later, his calls started flooding in.
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I didn’t have to guess–I could already picture Yzail commanding the room, just like he always did. He was used to giving orders, and I was used to silently waiting and obeying. What he didn’t know, though, was that I had stayed behind in this country for him. I could’ve had a bright future, but instead, my dreams were shattered because of him.
As the plane ascended into the clouds, my heart finally began to calm. This time, I didn’t give Yzail the chance to stop me.
I couldn’t help but think of the wedding he was probably hosting right now. He
wouldn’t be like the Yzail of ten years ago,
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who once stood in front of my mom and uncle, tears in his eyes, confessing his love for me. They say that in your youth, you shouldn’t meet someone too dazzling–but I did.
I met Yzail, and I fell deeply in love with him. Back then, I thought that writing a farewell letter, hiding my feelings, and quietly leaving would end my crush. But just like a hero in my wildest dreams, he showed up at the airport, holding a bouquet of roses, and shouted into the crowd, “Lanaya, I love you!”
His familiar voice called out the confession I had dreamed of hearing for so long, and every fiber of my being trembled in response.
“Yzail, what did you say?” I asked, my heart
racing
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Blushing all the way to his neck, he shouted again, this time even louder, “I love you!”
For him, I stayed in the country alone, even when he joined the military. I believed that as long as we were on the same land, we would always be together. But that illusion shattered long ago.
When the plane finally landed, that chapter of my life ended with it. My mom, uncle, and cousins were waiting to welcome me home.
“Lanaya, welcome back!” They cheered, holding up signs and flowers as they fussed over me one by one.
“Mom, Uncle, why all the fuss?” I asked with a smile.
Mom hugged me tightly, her voice breaking
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with emotion. “My Lanaya has lost weight! Now that you‘ re back, I can finally cook all your favorite dishes again!”
“Lanaya, we’re always here for you,” my uncle added, his words full of warmth and
support.
At that moment, all the hurt and disappointment I had bottled up began to surface. The pain from seeing Yzail propose to Zolenn suddenly felt more bearable, thanks to my family’s presence. My cousin handed me my favorite stuffed animal and a box of tissues.
“Yzail doesn’t deserve you,” she said
gently. “Your next boyfriend will be so much better!”
“Yeah,” my other cousin chimed in.
“There are plenty of great ouvs out there—
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“There are plenty of great guys out there- any one of them would be better than Yzail!”
Their teasing made me smile through my tears. With my family around me, the weight on my heart began to lift, and the pain I had been carrying finally started to fade.
Back at home, laughter filled the air. My aunt had prepared a huge feast, and we sat down to eat together. For ten years, I had always waited for Yzail to come home and eat with me. Even though we spent so little time together each year, I clung to those moments, believing they were enough to endure another year of loneliness. Now, sitting at the table with my family, I realized just how absurd it was to sacrifice so much for love. As everyone piled food onto my plate, I let myself sink into the warmth of home. The
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heart that Yzail had emptied was slowly being refilled.
After dinner, my mom and uncle exchanged glances, a hint of worry in their eyes. They whispered something to each other, and I caught Yzail’s name. Only then did I remember to turn my phone back on.
As soon as I did, notifications flooded my screen–over a hundred missed calls from Yzail, more than he had ever made in the past three years combined. Messages poured in one after another. Feeling overwhelmed, I was about to turn my phone off again when his call came through.
“Lanaya, you finally answered,” his voice sounded panicked. “Where did you go? You didn’t pick up, didn’t reply to my messages -1 thought something happened to you.”
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His words confused me. He had already married Zolenn, so why was he acting like this?
“Was it the wedding dress?” he asked, his voice desperate. “Did you not like it? I can get a new one.”
“Or was it the money? If it wasn’t enough, I’ll work harder and earn more. Just don’t disappear on me like this, okay?”
I frowned, my heart growing colder. Why was he pretending to care now? Did he think my absence as Zolenn‘ s bridesmaid had ruined their wedding?
“Yzail, congratulations on your wedding,” I said, my voice detached.
There was a long pause before he stammered, “Lanaya, what are you talking about? What
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do you mean,
congratulations?”
“I waited for you at the wedding, but you didn’t show up. Are you mad that Zolenn was the bridesmaid? Fine, I won’t let her do that again. Is that what you want?”
His voice trembled, and I could tell my disappearance had frustrated him. He was probably more upset about the promise he had broken to Zolenn because of me. I glanced at the wedding photos the officiant had sent me, and all I felt was disgust.
“You really think that after loving you for ten years, I’d be okay standing at your wedding as the bridesmaid for your new bride?” I asked, my voice sharp. “I didn’t want to be labeled as the other woman, so I left. Is that a problem?”
“I didn’t cause a scene at vour wedding.
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Yzail. Consider that my last favor to you.”
He grew even more agitated. “Lanaya, what are you talking about? You‘ re my bride! Why would I make you a bridesmaid? Is it the ring? The dress? I’ll fix everything for you!”
I couldn’t believe his stubbornness. “I saw
you propose to her, Yzail. I saw you promise her a future together as a family of three.”
“You even took your household registry to marry her.”
“You gave her the ring I picked out. You altered the wedding dress I chose.
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“For your career, you didn’t want to keep my child. But for her, you gave up everything.”
He was silent on the other end, but I continued. “You wanted me to be your
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bridesmaid, Yzail, to make it all seem right.
You thought I’d go along with it out of gratitude. But I won’t. So I left quietly, giving you the perfect wedding you wanted.”
“Shouldn’t you be happy?” I asked, my voice cold. “Why push for more and make us both suffer?”
I knew there was nothing left for us. Yzail and I had become nothing more than a shattered
memory.
“Or do you think I should publicly degrade myself in front of all your guests, confessing that my ten years with you were just me getting in the way of true love, to prove that your relationship with her is pure?“
